My first post has a horrible title.

     Well, up until this point I've been using Tumblr as a "blog" which I will continue to do but I was convinced to get a blogspot the other day for writing purposes. I guess Tumblr is more appropriate for pictures, videos, etc. So here, I will write. (For all you Tumblr users out there, feel free to follow me at annaelizabethdudley.tumblr.com.)

     I guess I'll use this first post as an opportunity to tell you a little about myself. My name is Anna. I'm a 20 year old Sophomore at Alabama and this is my last semester there. I love Alabama (especially the football) more than many people but I guess it's just not the school for me. I feel like I've had my run and grown as much as I'm going to grow there and it's time for me to move on. In the fall, I plan to transfer to UAB. After changing my major 3 times, I think I've finally decided to go with Special Education because it's always been in the back of my mind. No job could make me happier than working with people with special needs, for one, because they are the happiest people on the planet and I feel that I could learn so much from a job like that. I haven't officially changed my major but this has always been in the back of my mind, and I guess there is a reason for that. School has kind of had to take a back seat in my life recently though, which I have written about on Tumblr recently and don't really want to get into on this post.

     As some of you know, I have recently made several changes in my life (some of which I won't go into too much detail on). This is going to be an abbreviated version of what has been going on in the past few months, but it should give you an idea. Somewhere along the line, I realized through different things going on in my life such as anxiety issues and so on that I had been turning to things that could not possibly help me for guidance and a "cure." Placebos that were just that. I had left out one option who has a name and it's Jesus. So I decided since nothing else had worked or would work, I would turn to the option, to the person, that I had left out all along.  The more I tried to use Jesus (yes, use) for help from obsessive thoughts and worries, the more I realized I never really knew who Jesus is. I grew up in church so I knew what he did and basic information I guess you'd say about him, but never enough to really understand him. I still don't but when I first realized that I know close to nothing about God or about Jesus, I realized that my whole life I have believed in Him mostly just because I was raised to but not because I did for myself.

     So, where do I stand now? I'm learning. I'm starting completely over and learning so that I can have a faith that's my own and not someone else's and hopefully a much stronger faith than I ever had before. I have doubts sometimes and lots of questions and I get extremely confused every now and then, but I'm learning about the character of Jesus. I started researching the apologetics of Christianity when all of this started happening and have learned so much through that alone, so with knowing how little I know and how much there is to learn, I am excited to see where this takes me. I've lost and gained friends through this, and there are some beautiful people who encourage me to keep going even when it is tough. Someone told me a while back that though I may not understand why I have to go through the confusion and doubt right now instead of just easily taking the blind leap that some are able to take, that even though I may get frustrated because everything I've always believed I'm now re-learning for myself, that it is for a reason and it could help someone. So far, they were right and I have gotten to see my "problem" help someone else. It's not a problem though at all. If I weren't going through this, my faith could never grow.

     I'm learning patience.

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, “because you have kept My command to persevere…” (Revelation 3:10). Oswald Chambers.

   I hope this blog will come in handy. I don't know how much I'll actually write but maybe I'll use it a good bit. I hope y'all have a wonderful weekend (it's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday...) and a wonderful end to your spring break if you go to Alabama, Auburn, or whatever other schools are on spring break.

Love y'all.